It is a calm night; there are only two cats and myself hanging about the house, and I find myself once again in a state of transition. With a few weeks ahead of me before I join my husband in Minneapolis and the excitement and busyness of my summer theatre experience behind me, I have no responsibilities and no desire for them.
I have begun to prepare myself emotionally for my move to the city and for the adventures and opportunities I will find there, and part of that preparation is in searching out the barriers to my success that are lodged deep within, that I can recognize from my past as having subtly sabotaged my various attempts. This self-sabotage is not something that I scold myself for; rather it is a means by which I educate myself and hopefully overcome the obstacles I have placed in my own path. The blue moon this month was an excellent opportunity for cleansing my spirit and feeling the full potential of the bounty of life. I realized that the only true hazards and obstacles on the path to my goals are ones I create, and I mean to clear them up as best I can before my new adventures begin in earnest. Mainly, I must search out the true beginnings of my weaknesses- self-consciousness, lack of motivation, difficulty in seeing things through to the end. For all of these, I know, are rooted in deeper and more fundamental issues at the core of my being. So, taking at the very least the baby steps of recognition and acceptance, to be followed in the coming weeks with meditation and soul-searching, I undertake a goal of clearing the path before me, so that I may make my way easier for myself.
To new beginnings, then! I remember a phrase from one of my favorite films, Anne of Green Gables: "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." With this in mind, I hereby forgive myself of my past failings, and cast them to the wind that they will not become stones upon the road of Tomorrow or weights upon my feet as they meet this new path.
Onward, ho!
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